So I Got A Job...

So I got a job. It is unexpected. I really didn't think I would have one this year. I'd pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'd be staying home come August. And by resigned, I mean I was secretly pretty pleased. I like my little life with Violet. We're a good team, she and I.

My Baby Love

 

But a parapro position came up at the school down the street (my dream school, by the way) and so I said sure, why not, pass my name along. And I immediately freaked out. What if I got the job? Life as I know it would be over. I started panicking, in that "don't know what you've got till it's gone" kind of way. I have not been cherishing these moments at home with Violet the way I should have. Up until now, my biggest problem has been figuring out which new recipe to tackle and making sure carpet is vacuumed every other day. If I start working... well, there's the daycare dilemma. There's the stress of being gone all day and still needing to cook dinner once I come home. There's the fact that I'll be missing my sweet baby's face every single second of the day.

I thought we had more time. Summer would give way to fall, Violet would start creeping and crawling (shoot, I'd even take rolling over!) and I'd lovingly document each precious step. I'd write a few freelance stories here and there. The blog would get updated daily. I'd finish watching the West Wing reruns and turn my attention to Say Yes To The Dress: Atlanta. New recipes would be tried and perfected. I'd be a homemaker.

Of course, getting a job was always the plan. I didn't go back to grad school and earn a Master's for nothing. We had Violet when we did so I'd have the summer at home with her before heading back into the classroom. But the crappy economy lulled me into a false sense of security. If there are no jobs to be had, you can hardly blame me for staying at home. Because I like staying home. I like seeing Violet's smile every day. I like being her mommy.

But now I have a job. Parapro in a kindergarten class. I always said the worst case scenario would be finding a job an hour away in a grade I really don't want (have you seen fifth graders lately? Scary). Instead, God sends along the perfect grade at the perfect school just ten minutes away, and I have to take it as a sign. I couldn't say no. I thought it would take me five years to work my way into this school, and instead it drops in my lap. And a parapro position, no less. No lesson planning, no grading papers. I get to leave my responsibilities at the door. It's the perfect way to ease myself back into the working world. (If enrollment goes up, I'll get my own kindergarten class as the full-time lead teacher. I can't even begin to think about this scenario!)

Yesterday morning, I woke up a stay-at-home mom. By10:15, I had a job. By 1:30, we had picked Violet's daycare (daycare... I used to shudder at the dirty word). And every five minutes since then, I've been on the verge of an emotional breakdown. This is going to be hard. Everyone has been saying "congratulations!" and for the longest time, I couldn't even process the word. Congratulations about what? I couldn't seem to remember that this a good thing. It's the right thing (and I really do have peace that it's the right thing). But that doesn't change the fact that I'm scared about the job. I'm scared to leave my baby. But both at once? Not to mention the torture my boobs are about to endure as I basically quit breastfeeding cold turkey. I start Monday. It's not a lot of time to adjust to this new life, and those of you who know me know how badly I take to sudden change. Matt has been a saint, immediately calling into work yesterday, staying home with Violet while I ran around filling out applications, coming with me to Target to buy more baby bottles, encouraging me every step of the way.

Can't get enough of this face.

 

Remember the brave little toaster? I keep thinking of myself as the brave little mommy. This might be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So prayers are appreciated. Stories about how your children have thrived in daycare are appreciated. Mental hugs, real hugs, chocolate hugs, I'll take them all. I'm going to do my best to keep it all going. In a couple months, I'll look back to this post and chuckle at how over-dramatic I was about the whole thing and feel astonished that I ever doubted myself. I apologize in advance for dragging you guys through it with me! If life had a fast-forward button, I'd be using it now. But since it doesn't, we're going to take it day by day.