Guilt Trippin'

I just got home from spending two hours in my new classroom. I took Violet along, knowing I wouldn't get much done, but still feeling the pressure to get in there. All the other first grade teachers have been in and of course their rooms are practically done, plus they have all next week to work while I will be busy with new teacher orientations. So I was feeling the need to go in, the peer pressure, as our lovely front office manager called it.

Of course, the minute I walked in a huge burden settled on my shoulders. I ran into one of my friends and just burst into tears when she came to give me a hug.

I feel like I can't live up to the expectations set on me this year. I want to be an awesome teacher. And I know my principal, my students, my students' parents, they all have the bar set for me. Plus, I'd like to keep this job, so I need to succeed this year. But I have seen the sheer volume of hours some of my fellow teachers put into their classes and I know what hard work and dedication it requires. 

And as much as I want to be good at my job, I also want to be an awesome mom. Already I'm despondent about putting Violet back in daycare tomorrow, knowing it's going to be a tough transition. I'm already imagining how little time we'll have together. I'm worried the time we do have, I'll be too stressed over school to truly enjoy or invest in her. I'm worried that with all the stress and pressure, even the time I put into school still won't be enough. Everyone is being short changed and everyone is going to come out a loser.

I need to find the balance. I want to be a great teacher and a great mom, wife, homemaker, friend, human being. But it feels like a lot on my plate right now.