All Good Things

So I've been blowing up the blog lately, trying to post a little something every day for your entertainment. Partly because I have the time. And partly because I'm really afraid I won't have the time come August.

I'm already freaking out about the start of school, gotta be honest. It's the usual fear of the unknown anxiety that seizes me every time I step out of my comfort zone and have to do something new. I'm fervently hoping I look back on this post in a few weeks or months and laugh at how silly I sound right now, because I obviously have my life (personal, professional, domestic, miscellaneous) fully (and calmly) under control.

There's just so much to do when it comes to a new school year, and I'm doing it all for the first time. But I had that small taste, that sneak peek, last year and it was enough to tell me that everyone gets uber-stressed, and they've been doing it for years. The sheer volume of copies to make, things to laminate, facts to keep straight, has me thinking my measly job last year, lacking though it was in salary, wasn't so bad. Now I have all this responsibility. And I adore my school, but we set the bar high.

And if work itself wasn't enough, there's still everything else. Dinners to plan and make. Books to read. Friends to keep up with. A child to raise. A family to nurture. A house to clean (nevermind, this one's been taken care of). A nest egg to fund. Whales to save.

In one of my last grad school classes, our opening activity was to go around the room and say one word that described ourselves: I am (blank). Back then, I chose stretched. I was feeling stretched thin - working, finishing grad school, dealing with new mommyhood, trying to keep up with my former life...

The word still fits today. There is always so much to do and it seems impossible to do it all well. With me, family will always come first, but I also want (and need) to be good at my job. And remain happily married. In a house that is relatively ordered, if not fantastically organized. I also want to be greener. And recycle more. And donate more money to those in need. And eat more organic food. And be craftier. And thinner. But I know there's no way I can do everything, and it stresses me out to a point that I want to do nothing except hide under a rock somewhere with a good book and a stack of sandwiches.

But (and follow me here) I'm starting to realize that stretched can have another meaning. It can be a good thing, an important thing. It doesn't always mean pulled tight like a rubberband, full of tension and ready to snap. Think about how good it feels to stretch your muscles after a workout, to reach further than you thought you could, to push yourself just a little bit more, forcing yourself past what you thought your limits were, into the unknown, even if it's just by a fingertip or two.

So forgive me if the blog grows dimmer for awhile (I refuse to let it go completely dark, but it certainly won't be the love-fest you've grown accustomed to). I've got to find my feet in these new shoes I'm wearing. But hang in there with me, we're going to see where this ride takes us.