"That Book Has Poo Poo and Pee"

When Kristine and I move to a new place, one of the first things we generally do is make a map...for Kristine. I was fairly familiar with Dallas by the time Kristine moved there, but for Kristine it must have been the equivalent of moving to Mars, except with many large trucks, incredibly slow drivers, and those weird things called "access roads". I drew Kristine a map that led to Kristine's most important places at that time (our apartment, Kroger, my office, the library, and the mall). She could sleep, eat, visit me, read, and shop - what else could she ask for? 

Thankfully (for both of us...) no map was needed when we moved back to Atlanta. We could have used a good exterminator at times, but that's a whole 'nother story. 

Upon moving to our current home, naturally Kristine needed more directions. As you'll see below we had all the essentials covered: Northpoint Mall...my office. (no need for grocery store directions - Publix is accessible by either turning right OR left out of our neighborhood, can't mess that one up!). Little did we had no idea what type of guidebook this would turn in to. 

A couple of nights ago Violet found this notebook in her room. Neither K or I had seen it in years. It was probably stuffed in a drawer or somewhere under one of the 37 piles of books in her room. We're currently in a "what's that" phase. So, naturally, when she asked what it was...well...I explained, as gently as I know how to, explained exactly what it was. The book that tells us when Violet poo-poo'd and pee-pee'd.

Look beyond the first few pages of directions and you get to the real guts, oh so cleverly titled "Violet's Schedule". Beginning on 2.24.2010 you get a riveting 95 pages of Violet's (ahem...) "schedule". If you've ever wondered how many times Violet pooped, peed, slept or ate then I've got the book for you! I'll give you a small sample, whet your literary appetite.

  • Entry 1: 2:15-2:40 feeding. (this is in my handwriting. We must have still been at the hospital, I don't do much of the notating after this)
  • 3:00 wet diaper
  • 4:15-4:30 feeding
  • 5:35-6:10 feeding
  • 7:20-7:40 feeding
  • 9:25-9:40 bottle (I think calling the prior three entries "feedings" may have been a bit ambitious...).
  • 11:40-12:40 feeding
It goes on like this for months.

Looking back it's easy to see why the Publix sub we tried to share in our hospital room went half uneaten. I ate my half, but every hour or two Kristine was trying to take care of this eating, sleeping, and pooping machine.

On day 3 (2.26.2012) Kristine had a breakthrough. Somewhere among the 22 different  feedings and diaper changes, the naps, the attempted naps, let's hope a shower, that's when things got a little more, well, notated. Each feeding entry was accompanied by some type of hieroglyph, strange notations of alternating "RB" and "LB". To this day I'm still working on that puzzle...

Things got a little more fun as this went on. K continued to add to the list, things such as "2.27.12 - pee and poop - v. runny, milk for breakfast?" and "3.15.12 - Sunday - Daylight Savings (seriously, we're tracking daylight savings??? Nobody in this house has slept for more than 2 straight hours, who cares what time it is!)

And finally, my favorites:
- "5.12.12 - V slept all night without waking up"
- "5.13.12 - We both slept all night without waking up!" (the exclamation point is Kristine's, not mine. Not to put to fine a point on it but isn't this just classic? There's no way on God's green earth that Kristine would make it through a whole night of sleep without first making sure Violet could do it herself. What a mom she is).

Then, somehow, on Saturday May 29th it all stopped. 95 days later Violet's, um...schedule, must have become easier to deal with. Or we just got used to it. Whatever the case, it's been a delight reading back through the book the tells us when Violet pooped. Violet's future boyfriends are going to love this.

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