The Tale of the New Shirt

Once upon a time, there was a shirt. It was a lovely white, lace shirt and it longed to make someone look beautiful. One day, the shirt was spotted by Lee Anne. She bought it and took it home, only to find that when she put it on, the pretty shirt made her look, well, pregnant. (She didn't really look pregnant, it was all in her head. I'm sure she looked just lovely, but there's no point arguing.) So she decided to save the shirt until her daughter-in-law might have need of it.

Lo and behold, the day came when Kristine announced she was expecting, and Lee Anne happily gave her the beautiful white shirt. Kristine was thrilled, and as soon as her Bump appeared, she proudly put on the shirt and wore it to work, where she received numerous compliments. That afternoon, as Kristine and the shirt stood next to the kindergarten class as they waited to enter the cafeteria, a little voice piped up. Kristine looked down and saw that it belonged to one of her sweet students. The little girl was studying the Bump under the shirt with careful eyes. "Ms. Loughman," she piped up, voice full of curiosity, "you havin' a baby?"

Kristine was surprised. She hadn't told any of her students yet, not wanting to field the difficult questions that might come next. But it seemed the shirt had spilled her secret for her. (Secretly, she didn't mind, because it meant that Bump was really starting to grow and show!) She nodded, and a chorus of excited cries went up. Another little voice spoke up. "Hey," the boy asked, "where's the dad?!" Kristine couldn't help but laugh. "He's at work!" she replied, ushering the students into the cafeteria and ending the conversation. Or so she thought.

Later that day, as the students prepared for home, another little girl peered at the Bump. "Why's your stomach blowing up?" she asked, wrinkling her forehead in concern. "Why do you think?" Kristine asked, curious to hear the response. "Because there's a baby in there?" the student replied, starting to smile, confident in her answer. "Yep," Kristine confirmed, smiling back. "What's it doing in there?" a boy wanted to know. And Kristine was quickly reminded why she didn't want to have this conversation with her kindergarten kids in the first place.

So Kristine and her shirt headed to the doctor's office, where she heard the baby move, learned she had gained a whopping three pounds (of which only 5 ounces could be blamed on baby), and
discovered that the baby was now the size of a turnip, a vegetable Kristine is pretty confident she has never eaten or even seen in real life.