Feeling That Way Again

Yeah, that's about how I feel too.

I'm starting to get that overwhelmed feeling again. Grades are due. Report cards are swiftly upon me. I need more time to teach and I don't have it and my kids don't get it all yet and I'm feeling like I've let them down.

We're going through a crazy review process at work where all the teachers are being observed multiple times daily by outsiders and while everyone says not to stress about it, everyone is stressed.

Violet has suddenly started waking up at night again, wailing "I'm ready... I'm ready..." which is what she tells us whenever she's in time-out and remorseful. It takes a good ten minutes to calm her down, during which time both Matt and I have lost our cool.

I'm over-scheduled. Every weekend we have birthday parties, book clubs, get-togethers with friends. All of these things are wonderful. Except I'm overwhelmed with work and lack of sleep and a mountain of laundry and not able to really enjoy my life. I just keep doing, but not doing it well.

And what I really want to do is crawl in my bed with a book and a glass of wine and just not think for a while.

Have you ever felt that way? How did you dig yourself out? I know the Bible (and my neighbor) says don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself, but I can't let it go. Because my students aren't going to learn double digit subtraction unless I worry about it. And the birthday presents aren't going to get purchased and wrapped unless I worry about it. And dinner won't get to the table unless I worry about it. One day at a time isn't cutting it, because there's not enough time in that one day.

Two Years

Not a morning person.

Violet had her two year well-check today. (I begged them to see us a day early since there is no school today.) Nothing overly exciting to report, which I suppose should be seen as a blessing. She's in the 90th percentile for height, weight and head. She weighs in at 30 pounds and some change. No wonder my arms have been hurting lately! The doctor was pleased she hasn't seen us much this year (meaning Violet hasn't been sick, versus her first year in daycare when she was sick constantly). I got to answer yes to all the milestone questions (can she jump? does she say two words together?) and no to all the autism screening questions.

There were no shots but they did have to draw blood, and poor girl's finger bled all over the place. Grumpy Nurse (seriously, this woman is never happy) was a bit overwhelmed and made quite a mess and Violet cried so hard that Nice Nurse brought her a popsicle. Then Violet insisted we go back to the waiting room so she could play with some of the toys there. All in all, not a bad day.

Vote for Mrs. Loughman!

We've been learning about presidents in first grade, and naturally, this led to questions about how you become president. So we touched on elections a little and the qualities a good president needs. Then I told my students we'd be doing some persuasive writing and they we going to persuade me who would make the best president of all the people in our class. They could vote for themselves, for me or for someone else, as long as they had good reasons to back up the claim.

They were pretty convincing. See if you agree.  

(Edited for spelling, grammar, length, ability to form a complete sentence, punctuation, etc.)

I think Mrs. Loughman would make a good president. She always gives shortcuts on math.

I think Mrs. Loughman would make a great president. She is reliable because when she said something is going to be on our test it is. Also a peacemaker, when two friends are fighting she stops the fighting.

I think that Mrs. Loughman will be a good president. She is a good leader because she leads us to lunch and recess. She is sharing peace when people get in a fight.

I think Mrs. Loughman would make the best president. She is helpful because when we fall on the concrete she gives us a bandaid. She is nice because she gives us a sneak peek on a test. She is reliable because when she says words are on the spelling test they are. I hope you think she is the best president.

I think Mrs. Loughman would be a great president. I think she could talk in public because she can talk in front of 24 kids and she doesn't get scared at all. You have to be 30 years old and she is 31 years old.

I think my teacher will make an awesome president. You have to be a certain age and Mrs. Loughman is the age you need to be. When we are not listening and she is talking she makes whatever she says into a speech. Mrs. Loughman is polite. She is polite when she is mad and when she is stressed. At the beginning of the year my whole class made laws and she stuck to the laws. Will you vote for Mrs. Loughman?

Birthday Girl

Let's get it started...

We celebrated Violet's second birthday in style this weekend. While she won't officially turn two until Wednesday, the luxury of a long weekend to recover from the festivities was too good to pass up. And let me tell you, when you plan a doughnut and jammies party that starts at 10:30 a.m., you'd better have a long weekend to recover, because you'll be racing around like mad the night before trying to get everything in place!

Craft time!

We kicked off the party with the craft (don't ask me why I decided to do a craft, much less one involving paint... it must be the first grade teacher in me) and it actually turned out great! Moms were on  hand to help the little ones, but the boys took charge themselves, decorating and stuffing their own pillow. My theory is, if you're going to bother doing a craft, it might as well be something useful and not just crap that will get thrown away as soon as the kid arrives home. Hopefully the pillows will be a cute little reminder of Violet's big day. These pillows were 12x12 (not too big), zipped closed (easy access) and had a photo pocket on front (the photo we used was a thank you from Violet).

Pillow in progress.

 After crafts, we ate from a menu that included rainbow fruit skewers, mini muffins, sugared bacon and teddy grahams. There was plenty of juice for the kids and mimosas for the adults. We took a quick break to open presents. The theme of the day seemed to be Minnie Mouse and all things paint and art - finger paints, bathtub crayons, coloring books, the works. I can't wait to get a chance to play with it all! Then it was cake time.

Singing Happy Birthday.

This was my favorite moment of the day. All morning long Violet was running around, playing with the friends, tearing into her presents, but the minute we started singing Happy Birthday, it was as though she finally realized the whole day was all about her. With the spotlight shining on her, my sweet girl turned shy. You could tell she was amazed that the whole room was singing to her.

She's two!

For the record, doughnut cakes are genius. I never realized it until we had one ourselves. Other than the necessary early morning pick-up, they are perfect. No one argues about who gets the bigger slice. There's less messy icing to deal with. Everyone loves them. It was perfect.

Besties.

Going for it.

Violet and her two best friends from school. You should have seen the attempts we moms made to get a picture where they were all smiling. This was the best I could do. Such sweeties! I loved seeing them playing with each other.

And the whole party was over in time to send everyone home for lunch and a much needed nap. Well, my own child refused the nap, but what can you do? She's a big girl now!

The party was great, compliments abounded, and I have to give credit where it's due. I had so much help from everyone to make the day special. The grandmas did the heavy lifting when it came to food, 90 percent of the decorations came from my neighbors, Matt fetched and poured and took pictures like a pro backstage manager, and it all came together seamlessly. So thanks everyone!

Thank you for coming! Love, Violet

Party On

You've come to the right place.

Since everyone always ends up in the kitchen anyway...

Beverage station, serving everything from milk to mimosas.

Rainbow fruit kabobs (ignore the rouge grape to the left) courtesy of the grandmas.

Doughnut Cake. Genius. Less mess, no fighting over who got the bigger slice.

Party Planning

Command central.

We're celebrating Violet's birthday party this Saturday and the planning is underway.

Party planning stresses me out. I don't want to rely on the store-bought party theme pack. I want a fun party that will be worth the effort of those invited to attend, without having to go all out or break the bank. I want to keep it simple (and less stressful for me) but still have an obvious theme that's more than just balloons and cupcakes. I want to be crafty and cute and pintresty. But I'm just not. Plus, we're just a little busy around these parts.

Fortunately, I have crafty friends. They have lent their ideas, their party supplies, and their amazing artistic talents to help me cobble together something that will hopefully turn out simple and sweet and fun for all - a birthday breakfast!

I ordered up some custom invites by the fabulous Natty Michelle.  A doughnut cake tower is planned. The kids' craft is ready to go. In accordance with the jammies theme, the kiddos will be decorating their own pillows. I'm already regretting the idea of even having a craft, but it seems like the children's party thing to do. I imagine future parties will also be full of other typical activities that will only serve to make a mess (along with memories) like pinatas and makeovers. I should probably get used to it.

It will be mostly family, plus two sweet friends from Violet's school. For the record, the birthday girl is super excited. She's been practicing making her "two" fingers and when I ask her if she's going to have a birthday party she gives an excited "yes!" and immediately tells me the names of her friends who are coming to play.

Well, more details to come. I just wanted to give you a little taste!

Waves

The other day I got a random email from a blog stalker (the only kind of stalking I encourage... although no need to hide, come follow! I'm friendly! I don't bite!)

She is a working mom, just like me. And after she apologized for randomly writing (and potentially freaking me out - for the record, not freaked in the slightest), she thanked me for writing with honesty about how tough it can be to juggle work with motherhood and the guilt that comes with it. We try to be good at both, only to end up disappointed with both results. Jack of all trades, master of none. And then the guilt sets in, the dreaded mommy guilt, where we beat ourselves up over the fact that the kids we were dying to pick up from daycare are promptly driving us nuts because real life is hard and we count the minutes until our spouse gets home to lend a hand when we should be enjoying every moment they go by so fast.

Sometimes it helps just to know we're not alone. Which is exactly what I said to my new friend (because I feel like we are friends somehow, even though we've not met). It's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling the pressure and guilt and frustration of being a working mom. Because when I read other people's words, it helps me remember that I'm not nuts for feeling the way I do. And that's really why I write those feelings down and send them out into the void - I'm hoping someone hears them and reaffirms that what I'm feeling is totally normal, or perhaps can offer me some nuggets of wisdom of their own. I know how much it's helped me to read about other moms (and not those perfect, crafty, don't-know-how-she-does-it moms either - I'm thinking more Anne Lamott) and their daily struggles and revelations and real life moments.

It's amazing being a mom. And it's scary and exhausting and heart-breaking and exhilarating. But the guilt. We have to get that monkey off our back. Life is hard enough without that devil screeching in our ear. That monkey pounced on my new friend in the grocery store the other day when she took her two little ones shopping:

Lady in grocery store who noticed my work clothes: "Oh, so you work, that must be hard"
Me: "Yes, it is very hard"
Lady: "So, you are a part-time mom"
Me: "No, I'm a full-time mom, I don't quit being a mom when I go to work"

(And as my friend told me, the lady is lucky she didn't get a banana thrown at her head. Amen sister.)

But what could I say to my new friend (short of telling her to back off the fruit)? I struggle with that same mommy guilt too. You should have seen my thoughts on Superbowl Sunday when Violet refused to take the nap I so desperately needed her to take. So, knowing I totally lack the soothing balm she needs, I simply told her what I had just learned in my small group Bible study. I reminded her (and myself) about grace.

Imagine stepping into the ocean. Those dancing, fizzing waves lapping at your toes. They wash and recede, only to come right back again, endlessly. God's grace is like those ocean waves. They just keep coming. Life going great? Revel in a wave of grace. Had a crappy day? The waves of grace keep washing over you, no hesitation. Totally screw up and need some forgiveness? God doesn't even pause, his grace is already on his way to you before you've finished doing that idiotic thing you're doing. It's never ending and unconditional, this undeserved favor, and yet we get it anyway. And that's a nice thought, don't you think? I'm praying that all us mamas can dip our feet into that ocean and feel those waves of love and grace lapping at our toes.

Just watch out for the occasional flying banana. We're still human, after all.

More Scenes from School

Hey, come back here!

Open wiiiiide!

Delicious!

Sweets for My Sweet

 Pudding for dessert!

I'm still trying to figure out this new camera. I'm annoyed that most of my shots come out looking crappy because I don't know what I'm doing. Either it focuses on the wrong thing (Violet's hand instead of her face) or something else goes wrong and everything ends up blurry. Maybe some of my settings are wrong? It would help if I knew what most of these settings were for. Oh well. I'll just keep tinkering. That is, until I win the lottery, quit my job and take a professional photography class to fill all my new free time!

Playing Dress Up

Recently Violet has taken to raiding the closet while I get dressed. Here are some of the ensembles she's come up with. Next on my to-do list - teaching her to put everything back in the closet when she's done!

Bonus points if you can figure out what she's wearing.

You can't really tell, but she's trailing a belt and another scarf. Going for the layered look, apparently.

A Day at School

I am working on a birthday party idea for Violet and I needed some pictures of her with her besties at school. I sent the camera in, hoping to get a couple shots I could use. The unintended side effect was a documentation of Violet's day, courtesy of her sweet teachers.

I'll be sending the camera in once a week now that I see the hilarious results!

Not sure what's happening here, but she seems happy enough with her choices.

Ladies who lunch.

Downward facing dog.

Peekaboo?

Naptime for Violet.

The other day, Violet's daily sheet came back with this comment: "Violet had a great day! She is now the new ring leader. She can start doing something and then she has the whole class involved in it."

Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and read between the lines on that one.