Hit Me Baby One More Time

Do not let this adorable face fool you.

I sent Violet to daycare on Monday with a wee bit of trepidation, given our recent paci removal. In the afternoon when I picked her up, I eagerly read her daily report sheet, where her sweet teacher always leaves comments letting me know how the day went. Usually they are hilarious, such as this one:


"Violet had a great day! She cracks me up going around checking everyone's diaper lately... even mine!"

I wanted to know if there was paci drama at naptime, so I scanned down the sheet of facts (what she ate, how much, length of nap, activities, etc) to get to the comments. There, her teacher wrote what essentially boiled down to: no paci problems (positive!), but Violet was hitting her friends and laughing (negative!), still she gave sweet hugs (positive!)

Um, I'm a teacher, ya'll. I recognize the positive, negative, positive framework. That's code for: we have a serious problem but I'm going to break it to you gently and then try to soften the blow at the end.

So Violet had a tough day, to put it mildly. I did not raise this child to hit and then laugh about it. I was mortified and mad. And in a quandary about how to address the issue. It's not like I could take her home and put her in timeout - she wouldn't be able to connect her punishment to the crime. But it's not like I could have a serious lecture about it and expect it to resonate either - she's only two (almost). Cue parenting crisis.

I'm fairly lucky, I haven't had too many parenting dilemmas come up so far. But I have a feeling we're seeing the turn of the tide. I did end up talking to Violet and reminding her that she needs to be sweet to her friends. I made her show me gentle hands (she runs her palm lightly over my hand). We talked about not hitting. And I had to hope it would sink in and stick. (I also wrote a lengthy note to her teacher letting her know we were taking it seriously and how we were handling it so she could use the same terminology. As a teacher, I know it sucks sending notes home but it's so helpful if parents respond, at least with an acknowledgement of the situation. I need to know we're a team.) But is there anything else I can do with Violet to let  her know this behavior is not okay? Especially since it  happens when I'm not around?

I'm glad to report that today was better. I heard no rumors of hitting or other ugly behavior. And it's interesting... Dropping Violet off at school in the morning is generally drama. The teacher has to pry her from my arms and go into immediate distraction mode while I slip out, usually without even a hug or kiss lest the waterworks start up. And Mondays are the worst. But this Monday, after giving up her pacifier, Violet marched right into her room and didn't look back. Today as well, she charged in, gave me a "peace out mama" hug, and dismissed me without a second glance. Both days she was also happy when I picked her up, not the wailing tear-stained child clutching Elmo as though she's just been orphaned. It's like she morphed into a little grown-up after ditching "night-night". Perhaps it's just a coincidence, but I find it rather curious...